My Grown up Christmas List

This year I'm spending Christmas at home in Canada. Last year in Taiwan, working on Christmas day, not being surrounded by family and friends or decorations of any kind was slightly depressing. So, as you can guess I have been giddy and excited about once again being part of the holiday madness. I assumed Christmas would change as I got older...but I was hoping for some of that child-like wonder and awe to introduce me back into the tradition. I guess at the pivotal age of 25, that is too much to ask for.

The Christmas Tree

Putting up and decorating the tree is by far one of my favourite things to do. Ever since I was little it was something we could do as a family. Christmas music would fill the air and our tree was trimmed with the most hideous ornaments, (made especially by yours truly and the brothers), and the tree came out looking like a rainbow had thrown up all over it. Super dad would lift us up to place the star/angel on top of the tree. Every year we switched it up so when it was your turn...you were on top of the world. Literally at that age. Perfect right?

This year, I decorated (our fake) Christmas tree alone. I brought it up from the basement. I wrestled with it trying to figure out how to put it together and get it to light. Younger brother did assist me but then quickly retired to play video games. So I hauled out the Christmas decorations, now matched only to silver and gold and decorated our perfect tree. I did have Christmas music playing in the background but younger brother squashed that as soon as it happened and Sportscentre filled the air instead. The angel was placed on top by younger brother, with no stool or chair or lift. He can reach it. (I would've needed a boost).

Extended Family Christmas

For the most part, celebrations on dad's side haven't changed too much. His side of the family is fond of tradition and not fond of change. Of course new people are thrown into the mix as our family grows. But we still eat too much food, try to beat grandpa at euchre (inevitably failing), and the same jokes are still muttered around the table ("more heavy gravy?"). I'm still forced to be the "santa" and hand out presents from the tree. At 25, it's just embarrassing. Thank goodness the hat wasn't there. But as the youngest person is 22, the wine flows quickly and the whiskey is poured (Golden Wedding anyone?). Grandma calls me an alcoholic and it's time to go home.

On my mom's side, there are no toddlers running around either and the glasses of wine are encouraged. Inappropriate jokes are made and good times are had by all. It's an interesting time when everyone is old enough to just enjoy each other's company without having to worry about small children.

Getting together with Friends

As a university student, coming home for Christmas was a time filled with haziness and beer soaked Christmas sweaters. This is something that has definitely changed. I am now 25, and most of my friends have "real" jobs, or significant others, or kids, I find myself going stir crazy trying to find people who have as much free time as me. I've never enjoyed drinking alone but I may have to change my opinion on the matter.

Christmas Shopping

Spending money is something I am very good at. I'm not sure how I do it so easily, but it's magical how I can quickly turn something into nothing. As a kid, mom or dad did most of the shopping for me. Of course I picked out that one really bad gift I thought was amazing. Christmas pin for mom and tie for dad. Their faces never showed their true feelings of disappointment. And of course, as a kid, let's be honest, we're selfish creatures. It was about what you had under the tree. You hoped that oversized package so carefully wrapped and tied was yours. And you hoped being extra good for the month of December was good enough to make up for all year long in Santa's eyes. It usually was.

As an adult, I really do love Christmas shopping. Yes the stores are crowded and lines are terrible. But it is worth it to find that perfect gift for someone and on Christmas morning watch them tear away the paper to reveal that great idea you had. So I can truly say I've matured to the point that it's more about what I give than what I get. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not completely unselfish. I know myself well. I will still wake up at an ungodly hour to peek at my stocking stuffed with goodies and impatiently wait for dad to get home from chores and wake up the household.

Of course there are classic Christmas traditions that will never change or leave my life. National Lampoon's Christmas vacation and cousin Eddie's antics, taboozing, ugly Christmas sweaters, and of course getting to spend time with some of my favourite people.

Then there are the things you are so glad you've grown out of (peeking for one...I'm so sorry mom, I was a snoopy little girl), and the things you get to grow into (Christmas morning shots with the family!)

So I guess when you reach the quarter life mark things are bound to change. Thank God we have alcohol to get us through this difficult time.

What a cute little hairball!

I have been waiting nearly a month to meet him, but it was so worth the wait! Love at first sight. Laura and Corey you make beautiful babies! Meet Chase: born November 19, 2010 10lbs 1 oz. Look at all that hair!

PS...tis the season for ugly Christmas sweaters!

Indecent Proposal

I was made an offer that I definitely could refuse.

Some time ago a "friend" (and I use that term loosely) added me to Facebook. I had not talked to this person for about 4 or 5 years and knew him through a friend of mine. He's always been slightly strange and pervy, but I thought...what's the harm.

He would message me a lot and compliment me (which basically consisted of making me feel uncomfortable). He became increasingly creepy.

One day he wanted to ask me a "weird question".

"Shoot" I said.

"Would you watch a relatively good looking guy masturbate for $1000? You don't have to do anything, you just have to watch."

I paused. All I could think was...I really hope this is hypothetical.

"I don't think so." I replied

"You don't have to do anything to yourself. All I want you to do is watch."

Now I'm starting to think this is not hypothetical. And I'm starting to get disgusted and angry.

"No. You're right that was a weird question. Please don't ask me that again."

"Just thought I'd check."

"Maybe you should try Chat Roulette. I heard people do that all the time on there."

And that was the end of that conversation. Or so I thought.

I should have deleted him after that comment. But I didn't. And about a week ago, he upped the offer.

"Are you sure you couldn't use an extra $3000?"

"No."

Remove from friends.

This was wrong on so many levels.

First of all. I barely know the guy.

Second, why would you pay someone for that? Can't you get that on your own?

Third, ewwwwww. And, asking me that is completely offensive. I know I'm a starving student and all, but come on.

I don't understand what a person gets out of that. It's just as bad as those men who go around in trenchcoats popping out from behind dumpsters and just go to town on themselves. Excuse me sir, but I'm just heading to get a coffee, and I don't remember asking for extra cream.

I told this story to my mom and all she could say was "I don't know dear, $1000 is a lot of money." I mean make it $5000 and then we'll talk. I could've had a very Merry Christmas indeed.

A Movember to Remember

This post is long overdue. This is a tribute to all those thick, thin, sparse, full, brown, blonde, red or black mustaches that some of miss...and some of us don't.
I saw some beautiful mustaches and some not so beautiful. But I have a new appreciation for facial hair, and frankly was a little obsessed this Movember.

Also, click here to find out which countries raised the most money. I'm feeling the love Canada...great job!

As the weather gets colder, I'm sure your upper lips are missing that nice little blanket of warmth. "Decembeard" anyone?

Fear and Loathing in my basement

Here I sit, on a Thursday afternoon, waiting in fear. About an hour ago I saw a HUGE spider in the corner. At first I thought my eyes were just playing tricks on me...but no, there it was, walking around like it owned the place. Actually it was big enough to have it's own room. So I quickly darted to my room to grab something to bash it with. I found a boot....perfect! But of course, the spider was nowhere to be seen. I creeped over to the corner and moved the table around in hopes it would pop it's head out....but not jump up on me. Nothing. So I have been sitting on the couch staring across the room at this corner, boot by my side, waiting for about an hour. I'm suppose to be studying. So if I fail this exam Tuesday...it's obviously because the spider ruined my concentration.
Yes, I know it's silly to be scared of spiders...most would say. They're tiny, you're huge, what are they going to do to you. They're more scared of you than you are of them....blah blah blah. They're just gross okay. Chalk that one up to another irrational fear.
Speaking of irrantional fears...
The other day I ran out of gas. I know what you're thinking...how do you run out of gas? You must be an idiot. Blondes....(Mom don't give me that look....).
But, in my defence, my gas gauge is broken and I go by kilometers. I just happened to overestimate how far I could go. Now I know, lesson learned. But, to top it all off, my cell phone was dead, at home, and I did not have my wallet on me. Thankfully my friend had his cell phone and I called my roommate (aka Glen the hero) and she came to our rescue.
But before she came, we did sit there for a good 40 minutes or longer and noone pulled over to help. This did not surprise me. If I was driving on a highway and saw a car with it's 4-ways on, in no way am I pulling over to help. I know how to jump a battery and have cables, and I'm pretty sure I could change a tire...there's instructions right? But to me, there is a greater chance of some creep abducting me, than of me being of use to them. That's what cell phones and CAA are for (or AAA for my American friends).
However, I do recall a moment driving to school with 2 of my roommates and her muffler tried to make a getaway. So us 3, 20-something girls pulled over, got out of the car, looked at the sad, hanging muffler, and scratched our heads. Luckily, some nice man pulled over and told us to put it in the trunk...we'd be fine to drive for a bit. So thanks for the advice random man, but no, I would not do the same for you, even in broad daylight.

So if you're pulled over on the side of the road, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be one of those kind random strangers that comes to your aid. Or, if you have a spider problem I am not the one to call.

Note: As I was writing this, the spider reappeared and I, the stronger and smarter of the two, prevailed. I'm sorry to say, in the making of this blog, spiders were harmed.

Cock Soup anyone?

Yes this is a real thing. And yes I had to buy it. I'm told it has a slightly nutty flavour. Food Basics really does have it all. My new favourite grocery store.

We Teach Who we Are

Friday was my last day of my first placement. A large part of me was so glad to be done with it. Classrooms today are not the same as they were when I was in grade 4...a mere 15 years ago. There were 34 students in my class and many challenges. Autism, behavioural issues, ADHD, learning issues, ESL, and so many other problems undiagnosed. But, another part of me was heartbroken to be leaving these kids you formed a relationship with. They drive you nuts one second and make your heart melt in the next. Plus it's not exactly ego-boosting to have every little detail scrutinized by your associate teacher, however helpful they are trying to be.


Before we started our placement, we read an article called "We teach who we are." The title alone was daunting. We teach who we are? I'm not even sure who I am yet. Ah yes, the quarter-life crisis setting in. I'm FAR from perfect and can only hope the better qualities are the ones that I project on the kids. Students only need to know that the lesson you just gave was amazing and they learned a lot. They don't need to know that you were up until 2am finishing it because you decided to have a couple beers with your friends first. Or, that you had to google "pythagorean theorem" because you didn't remember what it was.


All in all it was a huge learning experience and worlds away from teaching overseas in Taiwan. I learned a lot about teaching, about myself - and I can only hope the kids learned something along the way! I now know, I have A LOT of patience, but not endless amounts. Flexibilty is key (mentally and physically!). And you must repeat everything, because basically, kids don't hear you the first 5 times. They're thinking about lunch, their crush, their friends, television, or anything else other than school.



So now I get to take a little break and go back to being a student.

"Whatcha eatin' there sport?"

"A apple"

I'm still waiting for the kids to bring me an apple.

What's in a name?

Menace...Rattle...Dirt Squirrel...Cups...Whacker...Skent...Boog...One-Nad...Slur...Buzzard...

These are just some of the nicknames I've come across and use on a regular basis. This blog in particular is named after my alter ego - Cheddar Bob. Not all my friends use this or are even aware of my nickname. But, as a few people have asked me about this recently, I thought I'd dedicate a blog to it.
How the name came about is a bit of a mystery itself - even to me. It's not because I like cheese - although I certainly do enjoy a cheesy treat from time to time. It somehow morphed from my first name (there may have been drinks involved). The "Bob" was added later because, well - doesn't it just roll off your tongue? The name comes from a certain group of friends very well known for their nicknames. In fact, when I first started meeting new people around the area, for the longest time I didn't even know their real names. I still get it mixed up from time to time.
The highlight of my nickname happened on my birthday when a favourite band of mine sang "Better with Cheddar" while I rocked out onstage. The traditional "Happy Birthday" now pales in comparison.
Although I have a few nicknames that may or may not get used regularly (Teeter, Carebear, Cakes etc.) this is the one that's stuck. And, I must say, I've grown quite fond of it...all you need is cheese!


Editor's Note: I have never seen the movie 8 Mile but just googled the name "Cheddar Bob". I have never, nor will, shoot myself in my crotch.

Vampires and witches and ghosts, oh my!

Aaah...October! That wonderful time of year when Halloween rolls around and you get to play make believe and play dress up like a kid again.

As kid growing up it was all about how much candy you could score and stuff in your face successfully before bedtime. For the bonafide country gal that I am...a pillowcase full meant it was a good year.

Now as an 'adult' it's all about who has the most creative costume and can stay in character while funnelling beers.

Last year when I was in Taiwan, working on Halloween night (yuck!), I realized that the differences in culture mean HUGE differences in Halloween culture. Over there on that tiny island, costumes were all about the guts, gore and blood. One of the teachers had a REAL pig's heart on a platter as part of their costume...in an elementary school. If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is.

I have noticed there are generally 3 types of costumes that pop up.

1. Traditional Halloween (scary and/or bloody)

2. Sexy/Slutty Halloween (the more cleavage, leg, or skin, the better)

3. Funny Halloween (creativity and orginality rule)

Now I'm not saying the 3 are mutually exclusive, they can overlap. Everyone loves a slutty, bloody undead bride right?! What I would like to know is...when did it become appropriate to go out in public wearing lingerie or underwear while sporting some bunny ears and calling it a costume? Halloween can be a chilly time of year...cover up, or at least keep warm with a good flask.

I tend to lean toward the third costume trend. Keeping in mind comfort and the ability to dance with drink in hand. Happy costume hunting!

Health care obivously isn't their forte.

Giving Thanks

At this time last year I was on the other side of the world teaching English in Taiwan. I did not spend it with family, I did not eat turkey, I did not have a holiday. So, being present for this year's Thanksgiving, I felt very lucky to be with loved ones. Of course, there are so many other things that I am thankful for.

I am thankful to once again have a working oven. I like to cook. It was very hard to be creative with a toaster oven.

I am thankful for Tim Horton's. There is one just around the corner from me now. Tim and are in a relationship. I think I may be in love.

I am thankful for the beautiful season of fall. I love fall. The changing colors. The crisp weather. The accessories are endless - scarves, jackets, boots...oh the possibilities.

I am thankful for OSAP. The savior of students.

I am thankful to be within driving distance of most of my family and friends. Planes become a bit pricey.

I am thankful for my friends. The old ones, the new ones, the ones I have yet to meet. I am happy to say that I am pretty sure I will forever have company on each continent.

I am thankful for my family. They are loveable crazies always good for a laugh. Even if they do try to set me up with 40 year olds. Thanks D.

And last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for leftovers. Because, well, I am a starving student. There's nothing like a turkey sandwich during lunch.

So, happy Thanksgiving! Annnnd...a very happy birthday to my Dad! Love you!

If you'll excuse me, the tryptophan is kicking in.

More heavy gravy?

Shake This!

I've only recently seen an advertisement for this workout product. I wouldn't call it revolutionary. Men have been participating in this workout for years, perfecting it for the masses. Women have occasionally participated as well. It even comes with an instructional DVD, but no instructions are necessary. You can do it alone. You can do it with a partner. You can do it in the car. You can do it on the go. You can do it with company around. It really, truly is versatile. Now we can all get "jacked."

Check out the women's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXHUdvvHTkw

Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbsSeVr5NSI



If it was as effective as the ads say, I think we'd be seeing a lot more toned men around.
I'm also pretty sure most men would be able to finish this workout in less than 6 minutes.



Warning: Overuse of this product may result in blindness.

Easy come, Easy go

Word of the day: Easy

We are all obsessed with making things easy in our over-scheduled, crazy, hectic lives.

That word, easy, can have so many different meanings.

It can diffuse a tense situation. "Easy now big fella!"

A way to say goodbye. "Take is easy."

It means a promiscuous woman. "She slept with him. She is so easy."

It is a very informal greeting used in England to ask how are you. "Easy bruv."

And of course, the regular meaning not difficult. "This test is so easy."

Even though this seems to be something we all strive and hope for, during class we were told when teaching and you say to a child, "It's so easy". What they hear is "You're stupid. Why don't you get it?!" Everyone has different perceptions and we all need to be careful and think about the things we say.

The easy life is not a new concept. There are so many sayings revolving around this easy theme as well:

"A piece of cake"

"Like taking candy from a baby"

"Shooting fish in a barrel"

And of course...

"As easy as pie"

Why pie? Who decided that this saying was appropriate. If you've ever tried to make pie, you wouldn't agree that pie is easy. The only thing easy about pie is burning the crust...and eating the pie. Unless of course you cheat and buy the crust and a can of filling. Voila! Easy as pie!

I've also heard "As easy as slicing key lime pie." Again, another pie reference. What makes key lime pie so easy to slice? Pumpkin, chocolate, or butterscotch would be just as easy I'm sure.

I know these sayings came years before the American Pie scene with Jason Biggs. But, I'm pretty sure we can all agree...that warm apple pie was so easy.

The saying should be changed to "As easy as warm apple pie." Just a thought....

I guess some things just aren't so easily defined.

Having said that, I'm gonna go eat some pie.

Who wants pie?!

Thinking vs. Exercising

As I slowly attempt to get back into the school routine and incorporate physical fitness into my daily schedule, I notice a few things.

First of all, I like working out in the am way better than at night. My nights are better left to more useful things like vodka and procrastination.
But, one issue here is I really enjoy sleeping. I'm just good at it - it's a gift. I'm also very good at getting talked into and out of things by myself and others.

Examples:

Take this shot.
Ok

What is that?
I don't know, why don't you eat it?
Ok

Hey, let's go to the bar!
Ok

If I hit the snooze button one more time, I can get 7 more minutes of sleep. I don't need to shower today.

Let's just swim across the river.
Cheddar, you are NOT a good swimmer.
That doesn't matter...

Peer pressure is not the problem. People just take advantage of my easy going nature.

In my futile attempts to run, I have started a running program. Now, I have never been a very good long distance runner. Sure I like sports but I avoided all the heavy running ones. Soccer. Track. Cross Country. Ew
Baseball's fine because you only need to run short distances. Hockey, even better, you skate on ice!

This running program has intervals of run/walk to make it easy for us beginners. I start at 2:2 intervals. But, what goes through your head when you run? Mine goes something like this:

Wow, I could run forever. Maybe I'll do more than 2 minutes.
Don't forget to breathe.
Oooh I like this song!
Two minutes is up already?! Easy

But, as I continue the intervals my thoughts become less and less optimistic.

I still have to read those chapters, post my notes, print those pages, and finish the essay.
What am I going to wear tomorrow? I hate my clothes.
Only 1.5 minutes left. I can do this.
I should call mom and dad when I get back.
I need to change the song.
Only 1 minute left.
When I get back I'll have to shower, change, read, do laundry, and finish that essay.
45 more seconds.
If I walk the rest of the way that's still exercise.
I think my legs just got heavier.
What am I going to have for supper? I think I need to get groceries. I have to fill up my gas too.
10 seconds left. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Really, the brain is the body's worst enemy. These two need to start working together.
Maybe I'll just get rid of some of those extra brain cells with vodka.