Oh the Humanity

There are times, more often as of lately, you read a news article, hear a radio clip or watch a video and think "What is wrong with people?" Most recently a friend of mine told me about a news headline that made us laugh reading it out loud.

"Daycare staff charged with running toddler fight club"

A toddler fight club? I cannot even imagine those cute, little 3 year olds whaling on each other, let alone what the rules would be for this fight club.

#1. You do not talk about toddler fight club.
#2. You DO NOT talk about toddler fight club.
#3. If someone cries, you still fight.
#4. No pinching. Only punching.


Most sane, rational and moral people cannot fathom this as a real thing. Sadly it is. The news article can be found here: http://www.lfpress.com/news/weird/2012/08/21/20124111.html

The Hands of our Future will never be the same.

Summer Lovin'

When most people are asked their favourite season, probably the vast majority say Summer. (Especially all my teacher friends out there.) I can't wait for 2 months of freedom and debauchery when I am finally a professional teacher. That is after all why we become teachers right? (Don't worry I'm kidding. I'm not one of those.)
Summer is when us Canadians crawl out from the darkness, blinking into the sunlight and spend 2 glorious months frolicking in the sun, splashing around in the water and shot gunning beers. Ah the simple pleasures in life.

So even though, yes I love summer, this blog is dedicated to everything I hate about this time of year.

1. Too much is happening:

I have not had a weekend to myself since the beginning of June. Every Friday and Saturday night has been booked weeks in advance for various events. So even if something cool pops up unexpectedly, the chances of me being able to attend are slim. That cool festival I wanted to go to? Sorry - I've got a shower that day. That band I've wanted to see for years? Can't - family reunion. Summer is prime time for random road trips and crazy adventures. But I can't go, I have baseball. At least most of the events are in fact fun and I have a good time. It's just slightly stressful to have so much going on. It's tough being popular. 

2.  I can't save money:

Saving that ever important dollar is hard in the summer. There is so much fun stuff happening and so much to do (*see above) and it all costs money. I thought happiness was free? Well not in this case.

3. Bathing suits:

Yes, I'm pretty sure everyone has this fear at this time of year. In the Spring the gym is busier and people are getting their bikini bodies ready for the beach. Well, Summer is also the time of year when beer has never tasted better. Especially my new love of Somersby. Have you heard of it? It's so delicious and full of sugar apparently. YUM!

But beer is not your friend during bathing suit season. You can be like me and drink as much beer as you want and avoid the beach at all costs. It's really the only solution.

4. It's hot out there:

Yep, it's summer. Yep, it's hot. I'm not complaining about the heat (how cliche would that be?). I do hate what the heat does to me though. I am a very sweaty person. Two minutes outside in humid weather and I am dripping in places I didn't even know had sweat glands. Wearing makeup is useless. There's no point in making my hair look all pretty. It's going to be in a ponytail in a few hours. Needless to say, I am very attractive in the summer.

5. The beach:

You are sitting in the hot boiling sun (*see #4). You are forced to wear minimal clothing (*see #3). There is sand everywhere. It gets in everything. Stuck to you, in your pockets, in your bag and somehow in other very strange places. Sand is the devil's handywork.

6.  Work:

The pace slows down at the workplace. I get distracted easily (this blog was in fact written during work hours). I have to work very hard to look busy.

Also, our hours change and we have to start earlier! Sure we get finished earlier too but it is surprisingly hard to get up and going for a 30 min change in time. Plus, I don't holidays yet and work really gets in the way of all the fun things I have planned.


So there it is. My grinch/scrooge take on Summer. Love it or hate it.

Sing a Song of Love

I'm at that particular age where my weekends are consumed with weddings, bachelorette parties, showers, stag and does, etc. Lately my life seems to have been consumed with celebrating the lives and loves of friends and family. Which is so exciting. Yes, my schedule for the summer is already pretty much booked up, but I am so happy to be a part of these special days in any way. Celebrating the good fortune of the loved ones in my lives is something I look forward to. (Except, as stated in a previous post, long-drawn out showers where I am obligated to seem excited about heart shaped dishes). I've never been good at faking it. I'm glad you like it and will use it...but it's not clap-worthy.

I'm not sure when it happened but I've become a little more emotional as the years progress. I find myself getting weepy at sentimental speeches or getting teary eyed at romantic or sad commercials. The tin girl seems to have grown a heart somewhere along the way.

This past weekend I was able to celebrate a great friend's wedding and have to admit, some tears were shed. I know what you're thinking - what happened to you Cheddar? I can't relate to some mushy girl. Yuck. But wait! Before you go, please note that heavy drinking and dancing still happened and I kept the tears to a minimum and hid it as much as possible. Better? Thanks for sticking it out.

The sentimental stuff has to be said. It has to be acknowledged that you are happy your friend has found happiness and love and that they deserve it. In fact I was so overwhelmed with joy I sang a little song. I thought I'd share it with you.

The intro got cut out of the video so I'll say it here:
"For those of you that don't know me, I have a little hidden talent and love of singing. I usually try to keep this to the car or in the shower. But Mego was there the first time I performed at karaoke and have since performed a favourite song of mine over and over. So I thought it appropriate to share a little diddy on her special day..."

Maybe next time I'll choose a shorter song.

The who, what, where, when and why of it all

I've been asked quite a few times why I blog. Honestly, I'm not sure there's an easy answer to that question.

I'm not doing it for money (I wish!).
I don't have a specific niche like a fitness blog or healthy recipes or even educational ideas.
I definitely don't have deluded dreams of becoming a professional writer. I know I'm not a gifted writer. Many bloggers are. Just not me.
It is simply a personal blog. A little glimpse into my life. I truly don't think the story of my life is so much better than anyone else. Trust me, my life is probably boring in comparison to most people.

It started because when Menace and I moved to Taiwan to teach, it was how we kept our friends and family updated about what we were doing and that we were in fact, still alive. But when I came back home and went to teacher's college, I realized how much I missed it. Which is why I started this one. There's something therapeutic about jotting down some words and sending it out into cyberspace. 

I've always enjoyed writing as an outlet and when I was growing up kept a journal/diary. What girl didn't? I still have those old diaries and sometimes when I'm looking for a good laugh or have an overcoming feeling of nostalgia, I like to look back and read those stories that seem so meaningless now. I'm pretty sure in elementary school I had a crush on everyone and reading Judy Blume books caused me to overthink everything.Things like why weren't my boobs growing faster (I still wonder when they'll come in fully), and when would I have my first kiss.

I even have a book of things I would write. Things like poems and (when I thought I would be a singer when I grew up) songs. I keep it hidden and tucked away. I never shared these with anyone. It was embarrassing to me - as a very shy little girl - to have people read something I thought so personal. But I've kept it up over the years. I still won't let anyone read it. Stay out of my room please.

Everyone has a story. Everyone has a voice and something to say. I guess the reason I blog is I like to think that some little anecdote I've shared makes someone out there smile or nod and say "I know exactly what you mean!" It makes us all feel a little less alone. A little less weird. Although I still get extremely embarrassed and shy when friends of mine come up to me and say they love reading my blog. It is so surprising sometimes at who is reading my little blog. Although, it's good to know there are people out there actually reading it and enjoying it.So thanks and read on my friends!

Does this make me a bad person?

We've all had those moments. When we wonder if we are the good people our parents raised us to be. To  treat others how they would like to be treated or if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, etc. Although I really do try to be nice to everyone, there are certain instances when I have myself wondering..."Am I a bad person when...?"

1. I avoid eye contact with homeless people. I don't work in a big city where I'm accosted everyday by a homeless person but when I am approached, I try to avoid eye contact and walk away as quickly as possible. Don't get me wrong, I have and will give some change if I can. You can't ignore them all the time. But yesterday, when I was driving home from work and that cardboard sign flashed me at a busy intersection I rolled up my window up and suddenly paid attention to nothing in particular on my radio. I really didn't have change either but even if I did, the chances of me doling it out would be slim to none. The advance only stays green for so long!

2. I don't like showers. No, not the cleansing kind. I take those daily. But bridal and baby showers to me are just so painful. I LOVE celebrating the happy occasions in my friends and families lives, and I really do wish I was loaded and could give them extremely extravagant gifts. But, showers just feel so obligatory and forced. You can only sit through so much toilet paper bride. It's extremely difficult to 'ooh and aah' over a set of mixing bowls. If it were a group of guys doing a shower you know it would turn into a drinking fest - which I would support, except at the baby shower. Inappropriate.

3. I laugh when other people fall down or hurt themselves. I think we've all had that moment when we burst out laughing at someone else's pain. I mean how can you not find it hilarious when a baseball hits someone square in the ass while they're running to third base? Sure, that's gonna leave a mean bruise and they are probably in pain. Our first reaction is often to burst into hysterics. It's human nature to try to laugh off something that is obviously painful to try and trick ourselves and others that it doesn't hurt. Otherwise I don't think America's Funniest Home Videos would have been so popular.

4. I find some children intolerable. We say that all children are beautiful in their own ways and that they say the darndest things. Which is true. I love kids, their energy and their innocence. But if that Nanny show on TLC has taught us anything, it's that some children are just little assholes. Unnecessary temper tantrums and spoiled to the bone. I have absolutely no patience for this and can't believe what their parents will let them get away with. I would have gotten a swift kick in the ass (with steel toe boots) if I acted in that way.

5. I hang up the phone on people. Telemarketers and other annoying people are always calling our house and even my cell phone. I will often just hang up the phone on them in mid sentence. I have tried in the past to make up excuses and explain to them why I couldn't chat, but to no avail. So I often resort to just hanging up. I feel bad about it though. I know these are people just doing their job and trying to make money but they are wasting my time and their breath.

You may have read this list and think to yourself...what a monster. But I assure you, there are other qualities about me that aren't so questionable.

• If we share an appetizer or some food, I will always let you have the last one. (As long as I'm full and it's not fried pickles. Otherwise, every man for themselves.)
• I will let you sneak in front of me when traffic is slow and heavy. Unless of course you are that jerk that tried to speed up ahead of everyone in the lane that is shut down. Then you deserve to wait.
•  I will always tell you if you have something stuck in your teeth or weird stuff on your face. No one should be punished like that.

 

I tried lipstick once. I don't recommend it. 

Virtually There

So...maybe some of you have guessed it before. I don't think I've come right out and said it on my blog (from what I can remember...) - but yes I am a former online dater. It's a really hard thing to confess for me because there's just something about it that makes me feel ashamed or dirty. It could be the late night conversations or the inappropriate comments received. It always felt like I was doing something I knew I shouldn't be - like meeting a stranger in an alley to buy a most likely stolen TV you found on craigslist (which I have NOT done by the way). Online dating is this secret world that people are afraid to admit they're part of. If you start asking around though, probably 75% of people you know have either been on a dating website 'just to look' or have met someone that way.

It can be extremely hard to meet people in everyday life that you would potentially like to date or get to know better. Especially if a lot of your friends are married, engaged or coupled up. But...in my experience the success rate of meeting people in the virtual world doesn't exactly work. If you measure success by the amount of people you meet once and never talk to again, then yes, online dating is very successful. I have met a lot of people this way. I've also had lots of awkward conversations at a pub or bar from this as well.
"Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from...."
"No! No you don't. Walk away."


Meeting someone for the first time after already getting to know them is hard. You have expectations, they have expectations and very rarely are those expectations met. Which leads to disappointment. I'm glad I can put some math knowledge to use here and state that if the actual outcome < expected outcome, there's probably going to be a negative result. Which is why these 'dates' very rarely go beyond the initial meeting.

I don't think I'm being too picky. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone you meet to have all their fingers and toes or for their voice to be deeper than yours. Which makes me wonder...is this the norm of the online dating pool? And if so, what is wrong with me? Maybe "Fingers" refers to me as "Elf Girl."

Which is why I am so glad to say I no longer have a profile and have no intentions of having one again. It's exhausting to constantly message people and have the same conversations over and over again.I have had more luck meeting people at (gasp!) bars. The probability of you having a great conversation with someone you're actually attracted to is much greater (as long as your beer goggles aren't tinted). Although meeting people online is all well and good for some, it never worked for me. I like to read body language, hear a person's voice and look at who I'm talking to (if only to make sure he has all his limbs and digits in place). I guess you can just call me old fashioned.

Rumour Has it....

Everybody loves gossip. Don't try and deny that you're one of those people that does not and will not partake in talking about other people. Humans are nosy creatures. We like to know what's going on in other people's lives. Which is probably why TMZ, Perez Hilton and trashy celeb magazines make a killing. We don't know the people they're talking about and yet we're enthralled. Can't get enough of what's going on in their lives. When gossip comes around about someone we do actually know and is in our lives, the better. It's so much more juicy.

Men love it too. Over and over all I hear from men is "You women are so gossipy. Always talking about other people..." Excuse me, but in my experience, men love gossip just as much. Most of the stuff I hear comes from the mouths of my male friends and family. But I will admit, men may gossip but they will usually just tell you the facts. Women will gossip and attach their opinion to something. This is when innocent gossip turns into rumours. In my opinion (which is usually right, let's be honest here), gossip is more about something you heard (which may or may not be true), but rumours usually have a meaner side to them. This is when they start to mold into something slightly (or completely) different from what they started as. It still baffles me as to where this starts. Much like the telephone game we played as kids. You start off with something completely innocent and it magically transforms into some sort of dirty or illicit thing. 'Purple monkey dishwasher' become 'Paul like it in the washroom.' Neither one really makes sense.

I wouldn't consider myself a 'gossip' by any means, but yes, I like to know what's going on in the lives of my friends and family. I am admittedly nosy. I like to be kept in the loop. I would of course never spread vicious or mean things about people and if it's a secret - I'm basically a vault. (I say basically because alcohol seems to loosen the door to the vault slightly - but normally only on my own hidden secrets.) Which is a good thing, because friends, acquaintances, even strangers seem to like to tell me things I don't really want to know. There have been times where people I have literally known for barely an hour blurt out secrets to me. Maybe they just needed to get it off their chest and I seemed like a safe choice. Luckily I also have a memory of a goldfish so I will probably forget about the massive secret within seconds and continue on. I probably should have went into psychiatry to get paid the big bucks to listen to people unload, I might've been a millionaire by now.

It's not very often that I hear about rumours going around about me. Which is a great thing! Nothing is worse than someone asking you about a ridiculous rumour that they heard from someone. I'm sure we've all had at least one moment where your friends ask you about something that doesn't make sense or sound like something you would do. It goes somewhat along these lines:

Friend - "Hey I heard you got in a fight with so and so..."
Me - "Who is that?"
Friend - "Bob's girlfriend."
Me - "Well that would be hard to do seeing as how I've never met her."


Usually I just laugh about these things that happen. It does bother me a little that people are talking about me a little bit but it's not usually bad and if it seems ridiculous at least I know people wouldn't believe it (or I hope they wouldn't!)

Living in a small town/rural area you're bound to have this happen to you. Even if you don't know the person of subject, your Grandparents probably do and their hairdresser heard about it from your aunt's friend because you're friends with her daughter. Seriously, hairdressers also know an obscene amount of information. Hairdressers and manicurists could rule the world with what they know.