Dating for Dummies

Most people have an exit strategy when a date starts to go awry. I need to work on mine.

In my defense though, I had to drive an hour to a small town for a second date I had recently. So I was committed to it - no matter how strange or terrible.

This was my second date with "Chuck" and things started off fairly regular. We went out for dinner at a local restaurant. Had some beers. Nothing crazy.

But Chuck told me about his night before which consisted of drinking till 5 in the morning with his buddies. I have no problem with that. I often do the same thing. But, I could tell he didn't really feel all that great.

As we walked the couple blocks back to his house, a little surprise popped up. Chuck couldn't hold it in any longer. Chuck upchucked. Blew chunks. Lost his lunch. Chuck puked 4 times on the short walk home! Awesome.

Poor Chuck kept apologizing and I honestly felt bad for him. I knew he was embarassed. He's a shy guy in the first place and there's no way this helped him. This would've been my perfect chance for an exit.

"Obviously you're not feeling well. I should take off."

But I didn't say this.

So we went inside his house. Where I was greeted by his mom. His unsuspecting mother who had no idea a strange girl may be coming over. Did I mention this was our second date? So while Chuck slipped to the washroom, to brush his teeth I assume, I talked with his mom. Luckily, I'm great with parents. I'll chat them up all night and charm their pants off.

I'm not sure why I didn't go running in the other direction after this disaster. Maybe I'm forgiving to a fault. Maybe it was pity. Maybe I was curious what would happen next. We all have these stories. As a single girl you tend to rack up these types of stories and because of these you develop flags or signals. Don't ignore those.

From this experience I've come up with two very important dating etiquette points:

1. Even though one of my biggest pet peeves is when people cancel plans or bail out, if you are not feeling well, it's okay to cancel.

2. Warn your roommates (whoever they may be) if you are bringing over company.

Happy dating and try not to get puked on.

Unsolicited Comments

As a woman, I have been subject to unwanted leers, whistles and sexual remarks ever since I hit puberty. Maybe even before that. And also, as a woman I have been disgusted and scowled back at those committing them (while secretly strutting and holding my head a little higher thinking "Damn! I must be looking good today"). As a feminist I am officially offended of course, but every once in awhile we relish in those inappropriate comments when we've had a particularly rough day. I'm not saying you have any right at all to come up and slap my ass. That's assault brother.
And I will return the favour with a swift slap of your face. You slap an ass. I slap an ass.

Not only are we bombarded by catcalls but there are people out there who feel it necessary to unleash their "honesty" on you. I'm not sure if they think their comments are helpful or that they have some sort of right to spew their verbal diarrhea opinion of you. Let me tell you now. If you are one of those people. Please stop, stranger. No thank you.

Telling a woman she is wearing too much makeup. Not your job. Maybe she's enrolled in clown college. Mind your business.

Most recently one of the regular customers where I used to work (yay for me), felt it necessary to make an unsolicited comment. Let's call him Assface.

Assface: "I'm gonna say something, but I don't want you to get mad at me."
(Well this oughta be good.)
Me: Okaaaaaaay.
Assface: "Did you happen to get workout equipment for Christmas?"
(Not a good start buddy.)
Me: No
Assface: "I've noticed since you've worked here you've put on some weight."
Me: You should keep your opinions to yourself.

Shortly after this I had to step into the back because I was red with rage. Apparently I have anger issues.

Now, if I was younger I probably wouldn't have said anything or I would have instantly started crying. But as an older, wiser and much stronger person, I wouldn't and couldn't just let someone get away with saying that. I am proud to say I was not rude and I did not yell. I did make him feel bad and scolded him like a child. Everyone knows, you just DO NOT say those words to someone. Man, woman or child. Only your family is allowed to make you feel bad about yourself.

The truth is, he was right and I know it. I have put on a little winter weight. I usually do over the holidays. It's as much of a tradition in my life as decorating the tree or exchanging presents - but not nearly as beloved. What irks me the most however, is not that it's true. I will lose those extra pounds and I know it. What bothers me is that the opinion of someone who does not matter and a relative stranger to me can affect me so much.

I will never be a size zero. I've got hips and curves and I have finally come to terms with this. As a twenty something woman I feel like I am finally at a point in my life where I feel confident in my own skin and am much less shy than I used to be. However, no matter how good you're feeling that day, sadly it can quickly crumble by insensitive comments.

So my point is this. Never comment on the size of a woman's ass to her face. Or you will forever be Assface to that woman. And, in my opinion she has full right to smack you.

Whatever happened to predicitability?

The car ride home after a big night out, nursing a hangover and struggling to stay awake can be a long one. Unless you have a trip down memory lane and start singing theme songs from your favourite television shows. Of course, these shows were those of our childhood and mainly from the 90s. Growing up in the 90s reminds me of a few things. Pop culture crazes that made no sense (Pogs anyone?), music that will forever bring up nostalgic memories, overalls and family oriented television shows.

Let's touch on one of those at a time. The toys or fads that we became obsessed with. Trading pogs and hockey cards became my full time job when I was a kid. Times were simpler. We were completely entertained by things made of cardboard. Also, one of my favourite games was Dream Phone. Remember that one? I still love it. In fact, when I came back from Taiwan 2 years ago some friends visited me at home and we broke out the game. It still worked and it still angered me when boys would say "I know who it is and I'm not telling, ha ha." Jerk.

The music of the 90s is definitely considered classic in my books. It may have not caused a revolutionary change but it's when I started to really discover music on my own. Hello Nirvana and Alanis. But of course we can't forget the other end of the spectrum. Those candy covered gems of pop music. Britney, N'Sync and BSB.

I used to wear overalls, A LOT. I had jean ones, polyester ones, blue ones, green ones, short ones, skirt ones and yes, corduroy ones. I'm not sure why overalls were all the rage. Maybe they weren't and I just REALLY liked overalls.

Which brings me to the television shows. The theme songs that we know all the words to and recognize immediately. Fresh Prince, Full House, Family Matters, Blossom, Saved by the Bell. Who of us can't rap the entire Fresh Prince theme? It makes us all believe we are rap stars. We are not, by the way. The beauty of these shows was also how they always had a lesson to learn or moral of the story at their conclusion.

Have you ever listened to the themes of Full House and Family Matters closely? I'm not sure how it took me so long to realize the similarities in the 2 songs. But, after a little research, I discovered the singer/writer is in fact the same person. Mystery solved.