Virtually There

So...maybe some of you have guessed it before. I don't think I've come right out and said it on my blog (from what I can remember...) - but yes I am a former online dater. It's a really hard thing to confess for me because there's just something about it that makes me feel ashamed or dirty. It could be the late night conversations or the inappropriate comments received. It always felt like I was doing something I knew I shouldn't be - like meeting a stranger in an alley to buy a most likely stolen TV you found on craigslist (which I have NOT done by the way). Online dating is this secret world that people are afraid to admit they're part of. If you start asking around though, probably 75% of people you know have either been on a dating website 'just to look' or have met someone that way.

It can be extremely hard to meet people in everyday life that you would potentially like to date or get to know better. Especially if a lot of your friends are married, engaged or coupled up. But...in my experience the success rate of meeting people in the virtual world doesn't exactly work. If you measure success by the amount of people you meet once and never talk to again, then yes, online dating is very successful. I have met a lot of people this way. I've also had lots of awkward conversations at a pub or bar from this as well.
"Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from...."
"No! No you don't. Walk away."


Meeting someone for the first time after already getting to know them is hard. You have expectations, they have expectations and very rarely are those expectations met. Which leads to disappointment. I'm glad I can put some math knowledge to use here and state that if the actual outcome < expected outcome, there's probably going to be a negative result. Which is why these 'dates' very rarely go beyond the initial meeting.

I don't think I'm being too picky. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone you meet to have all their fingers and toes or for their voice to be deeper than yours. Which makes me wonder...is this the norm of the online dating pool? And if so, what is wrong with me? Maybe "Fingers" refers to me as "Elf Girl."

Which is why I am so glad to say I no longer have a profile and have no intentions of having one again. It's exhausting to constantly message people and have the same conversations over and over again.I have had more luck meeting people at (gasp!) bars. The probability of you having a great conversation with someone you're actually attracted to is much greater (as long as your beer goggles aren't tinted). Although meeting people online is all well and good for some, it never worked for me. I like to read body language, hear a person's voice and look at who I'm talking to (if only to make sure he has all his limbs and digits in place). I guess you can just call me old fashioned.

Rumour Has it....

Everybody loves gossip. Don't try and deny that you're one of those people that does not and will not partake in talking about other people. Humans are nosy creatures. We like to know what's going on in other people's lives. Which is probably why TMZ, Perez Hilton and trashy celeb magazines make a killing. We don't know the people they're talking about and yet we're enthralled. Can't get enough of what's going on in their lives. When gossip comes around about someone we do actually know and is in our lives, the better. It's so much more juicy.

Men love it too. Over and over all I hear from men is "You women are so gossipy. Always talking about other people..." Excuse me, but in my experience, men love gossip just as much. Most of the stuff I hear comes from the mouths of my male friends and family. But I will admit, men may gossip but they will usually just tell you the facts. Women will gossip and attach their opinion to something. This is when innocent gossip turns into rumours. In my opinion (which is usually right, let's be honest here), gossip is more about something you heard (which may or may not be true), but rumours usually have a meaner side to them. This is when they start to mold into something slightly (or completely) different from what they started as. It still baffles me as to where this starts. Much like the telephone game we played as kids. You start off with something completely innocent and it magically transforms into some sort of dirty or illicit thing. 'Purple monkey dishwasher' become 'Paul like it in the washroom.' Neither one really makes sense.

I wouldn't consider myself a 'gossip' by any means, but yes, I like to know what's going on in the lives of my friends and family. I am admittedly nosy. I like to be kept in the loop. I would of course never spread vicious or mean things about people and if it's a secret - I'm basically a vault. (I say basically because alcohol seems to loosen the door to the vault slightly - but normally only on my own hidden secrets.) Which is a good thing, because friends, acquaintances, even strangers seem to like to tell me things I don't really want to know. There have been times where people I have literally known for barely an hour blurt out secrets to me. Maybe they just needed to get it off their chest and I seemed like a safe choice. Luckily I also have a memory of a goldfish so I will probably forget about the massive secret within seconds and continue on. I probably should have went into psychiatry to get paid the big bucks to listen to people unload, I might've been a millionaire by now.

It's not very often that I hear about rumours going around about me. Which is a great thing! Nothing is worse than someone asking you about a ridiculous rumour that they heard from someone. I'm sure we've all had at least one moment where your friends ask you about something that doesn't make sense or sound like something you would do. It goes somewhat along these lines:

Friend - "Hey I heard you got in a fight with so and so..."
Me - "Who is that?"
Friend - "Bob's girlfriend."
Me - "Well that would be hard to do seeing as how I've never met her."


Usually I just laugh about these things that happen. It does bother me a little that people are talking about me a little bit but it's not usually bad and if it seems ridiculous at least I know people wouldn't believe it (or I hope they wouldn't!)

Living in a small town/rural area you're bound to have this happen to you. Even if you don't know the person of subject, your Grandparents probably do and their hairdresser heard about it from your aunt's friend because you're friends with her daughter. Seriously, hairdressers also know an obscene amount of information. Hairdressers and manicurists could rule the world with what they know.  

Texting Etiquette

I'm not sure if Alexander Graham Bell had text messages in mind when he invented the telephone. But it makes things so much easier and helps us all escape the dreaded phone call. Text messages make it easier for people to keep in touch and keep up to date with social situations. However, with anything there are definitely pet peeves that I have or rules that should be followed when sending messages.

Do's:

• Flirt via text. You just got that cute guy's/girl's phone number. You now have an opportunity to win him/her over with witty conversation while sober. It's also a great way to stay in that person's mind and keep them interested. Much better than coming across as creepy/needy/psycho with multiple calls the next day. Beware of sarcasm though. Unless the person knows you well enough to get your sarcastic sense of humour you may come across as an ass. (There really should be a special sarcasm font.)
• Send quick confirmations. Telling a person you're on your way or will be there in a couple minutes is a great way to make use of the text. Calling people twice within 10 minutes with little pieces of information like this is not only annoying, it's unnecessary. 
• Keep it short and sweet. Telling me a life story about how you and some buddies played a hilarious joke on your friend doing this and that is really more of an in person anecdote. Or going on and on about the prices of meat. Sometimes phone calls really are better. (Or just keep certain information to yourself).
• Reply back. There is nothing worse than when your friends don't reply back to something you've said. The chances are you received it. Even if it's hours later, I appreciate a text back - even if it's to say sorry, I couldn't text I was driving/at the gym/making out. No one likes to be ignored. (If you are however trying to ignore that person because you don't wanna talk to them - continue to ignore them. Or send a note saying "Sorry, I didn't text. I was ignoring you.").

Don'ts:

• Text on a date. The same rule applies for phone calls. You just don't do it. Everyone knows the phone call is for emergencies only (or when a date is going poorly and you need an exit strategy). Give the person your full attention for a couple hours. You can live without your phone for that long. If you really need to talk to an outside person, excuse yourself to the bathroom to text. Keep it classy.
• Use short forms or slang. This is one of my personal pet peeves. Shortening words that otherwise are short tells me you're either a douche or you don't wanna take the time to put in that extra letter. You will come across as uneducated and lazy. These are just some examples:
• C (see)
• U (you)
• N E (any)
• K (ok)
• Y (why)
• B (be)
• L8R (later)
• 2nite (tonight)

•  Using text words in real life. This is more of a personal pet peeve of mine. Having a conversation with  a person that is all like: "O.M.G. Can you believe she did that? I was like W.T.F!" I'm not sure if you're trying to keep your word count for the day but saying oh my god (or gosh) or what the fuck (or fudge) is totally appropriate.
• Text in public, all night. So...you went out to a restaurant, bar or bowling alley. Instead of enjoying the company of your present friends you decided to have a text marathon with people who aren't there. There's nothing worse than seeing a bunch of people sitting in silence in a very loud place.
• Send text after text after text. I get it. You want to talk to me. I don't need 7 lines of information that could have been made into one cohesive sentence. 

So, those are just a few of my personal rules. I'm sure I've broken some of them before. But I really do try to be a polite text messager. I think we are all thankful for opposable thumbs.

The Burning Question

I've seen the movie "When Harry Met Sally" probably a dozen times. It's up there on my list of favourite movies. But with this movie comes the question - Can men and women be friends?
I'm not sure the movie really answers the question. Or it answers it with a negative, proving that men and women cannot be friends. I mean in the end - spoiler alert! - Harry and Sally eventually consummate their relationship and this ruins their friendship. Although they realize that they are in fact perfect for each other.

I really don't think this movie sets out to try and answer the age-old question because it really is just a love story. I like to think that yes, men and women can definitely be friends.

The fact is, I have many different friends, both male and female. I truly believe there are many benefits to having both sexes as friends.

Girls are great at listening and being there when you need it. They will be a shoulder to cry on. They are the first ones to offer a hug or a much needed glass of wine.

Guys are great problem solvers. They will fix what's broken. They are all about action.
They are the first ones to offer to beat up anyone that threatens your happiness.

Of course, you can only maintain this friendship if it is truly platonic. This is where it can get complicated. If one friend secretly wants more from the friendship then things can get messy. Or if you have a past together it's not a truly platonic friendship because there was obvious attraction to one another. I'm not denying you can't have a friendship with an ex or past lover but let's be real - it's not the same.

There have been numerous times when people have questioned my friendships and went as far to declare that I should just date them anyway. These people simply don't understand that it would be like dating my brother. I mean I love those boy friends of mine but they already know too much about me. I can't have the chance of a horrific break up occurring and all that secure information be threatened. I'm also pretty sure that this voids their interest in me. I may not exactly be 'one of the guys', because let's face it, I'm a girl. But they've seen me at my worst so I'm sure they don't see me as much of a girl either.

If however, there are men or women out there that befriend the opposite sex in hopes that someday you will date. Stop it. At this point you've probablye entered the friend zone. If you really think being someone's friend for years is gonna get you a girlfriend/boyfriend....there are much faster ways. Try online dating, post an ad on kijiji, go to a bar. Don't hit on your friends.

I went on a dinner date recently and was asked about my male friends. I assured him that there is no romantic level to my male friendships. We are simply friends and have been for over 20 years. I have many relationships like this. He couldn't fathom the idea that any man would just want to be my friend. I'm not sure if this was suppose to be some sort of compliment toward my personality or an insult to my friendship.

Sadly, I told dinner date man I liked him as a person but not romantically, but we could still be friends?! I won't be expecting a friendship Facebook request from him anytime soon.

Bulletin Boards are for Losers

I caved a short while ago. I had been fighting the urge to do it for a long time because I knew I would get addicted. All my friends were telling me how great it was and that I should just do it. Get on it. Once the offer was put out to me, I couldn’t say no. So I did it. And I can’t get enough.

Hello, my name is Cheddar and I’m a Pinterest addict.

This is another big time waster that most of us try to justify. Whatever you’re into, you can find it. And you can pin it for later use (which you probably never will because you have pinned hundreds of things and will never find the time to do them all).

This is truly an ADD’s dream world. You go from fashion, to movies, to fitness, to food, to laughing, to crying, to saying wtf? All in the matter of minutes.

My time spent on the site does something like this:

8:00pm Whoa...what a babe. I better start working out more.

Yup, tomorrow morning I'm gonna go for a run and then I'll do yoga. I'm gonna be so fit...

I love this song! Better add this to my running playlist.

HA! That's so funny. I better pin that one so I can look back on it and laugh.

OMG! That looks amazing.

sfdhfksdfklsdfdsf

Oops I just drooled on my keyboard. I'm totally gonna make this. When there are other people around to help me eat it.

Aw these pregnancy pictures are so cute. I better save these so that 10 years when I have a baby I'll know what I want in pictures.

10:00pm zzzzzzzz

I haven't quite gotten the routine of pinning and actually doing. Apparently there's not enough time in a day to go to work, workout, make dinner, spend time on pinterest and actually get those things pinned completed. There's a flaw in this plan.

This website doesn't really help my issue of making big plans and not following through.

Genuinely Insincere

Ah technology. We now have the privilege of staying in contact and meeting new people through so many different portals I can't even keep track. Facebook, Twitter, online dating, forums, blogs, pinterest. It's overwhelming and exhausting.

Especially when you get messages from people you don't know like this one:

"have been staring at your profile picture speechless and in awe for the past hour or so. That deep gaze in your eyes, your perfect smile, all of your features just seem to all come together so well, almost an...gelical in a sense I suppose.

The reason I am writing this is to let you know that I think I have found the most beautiful woman to grace us with her presence on our planet, and I am of course talking about you.

I know this might mean absolutely nothing to you, and you probably get many of these types of messages/posts here and in real life BUT please understand that I am being as genuine as ever when I say that you are the ultimate dictionary definition of perfection, and I hope that one day God can bestow me with a woman as beautiful as you, I would be forever grateful.

I hope that this message finds you well, I do not care if I get a response to this, I am just simply stating the obvious and had to let you know how I really felt"

Well, person I don't know...Thank you. But there is in no way that I believe you think this about me. I mean your instincts must be great because yes, I am pretty awesome. But people need to get to know me before they realize this. I'm not even sure if people would say this type of thing about Brad Pitt or Megan Fox.

A person can't be genuine if they're talking about your perfection. It's the flaws that make us beautiful. But thanks for the ego boost.

Looking Forward

I recently celebrated my 27th birthday. I thought I was going to be freaked out a little more by the fact that I am now 27. Maybe it's because I've been in my 20s for awhile now so I’m getting used to it. Even though I have now entered my late 20s; no matter how much I argue that 27 is still mid 20s. Apparently it doesn't work this way:

20 - 21 Early 20s

22 - 27 Mid 20s

28 - 29 Late 20s

I have to admit, one of the hardest birthdays was probably my 25^th. I was on the other side of the world, away from most of my friends and family and nowhere near where I thought I’d be in life at 25. It’s funny how we when we are in high school we imagine ourselves with a set career, committed relationship, our own home, a car, kids...etc all right when we graduate University. Goals aren’t always met, dreams change and we move on with our lives. Don’t misunderstand me, I am so happy I didn’t end up tied down doing something I hated or with someone that I would eventually divorce. I really should have listened to my 12 year old self and stuck with my teaching education path...because that's where I ended up.

Instead I listened to my Guidance Counselor - why don't you try Business?

It's really true what they say about aging. You become more comfortable with who you are and happier as a person. I am finally starting a stable career and I feel more at ease with who I am. When I think back to my university days...I was beyond shy. I was in a program I didn’t really love, but came fairly easy to me. I went to class, barely talked to anyone and went home to my roommates and played euchre. (Yes, euchre. We had an amazing scoreboard. Might have to get one for your new pad Lolo. Just a thought). My cousin Lolo so lovingly told me the other day I should've been 'macking' on all those business hotties. Well I missed that boat. But I would never have dreamed of doing that at 21. My face would've gone tomato red and I probably would've ran away. (I still turn that lovely shade sometimes though...can't really seem to get rid of it).

How you feel about yourself really does affect how other people look at you. We grow older yes, but we grow better with time (like a fine wine). At 33 you are your happiest and they say that 40 is the new 20, as celebs keeps getting better with age. Which is probably the argument for all the cougar love.