Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Virtually There

So...maybe some of you have guessed it before. I don't think I've come right out and said it on my blog (from what I can remember...) - but yes I am a former online dater. It's a really hard thing to confess for me because there's just something about it that makes me feel ashamed or dirty. It could be the late night conversations or the inappropriate comments received. It always felt like I was doing something I knew I shouldn't be - like meeting a stranger in an alley to buy a most likely stolen TV you found on craigslist (which I have NOT done by the way). Online dating is this secret world that people are afraid to admit they're part of. If you start asking around though, probably 75% of people you know have either been on a dating website 'just to look' or have met someone that way.

It can be extremely hard to meet people in everyday life that you would potentially like to date or get to know better. Especially if a lot of your friends are married, engaged or coupled up. But...in my experience the success rate of meeting people in the virtual world doesn't exactly work. If you measure success by the amount of people you meet once and never talk to again, then yes, online dating is very successful. I have met a lot of people this way. I've also had lots of awkward conversations at a pub or bar from this as well.
"Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from...."
"No! No you don't. Walk away."

Meeting someone for the first time after already getting to know them is hard. You have expectations, they have expectations and very rarely are those expectations met. Which leads to disappointment. I'm glad I can put some math knowledge to use here and state that if the actual outcome < expected outcome, there's probably going to be a negative result. Which is why these 'dates' very rarely go beyond the initial meeting.

I don't think I'm being too picky. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone you meet to have all their fingers and toes or for their voice to be deeper than yours. Which makes me wonder...is this the norm of the online dating pool? And if so, what is wrong with me? Maybe "Fingers" refers to me as "Elf Girl."

Which is why I am so glad to say I no longer have a profile and have no intentions of having one again. It's exhausting to constantly message people and have the same conversations over and over again.I have had more luck meeting people at (gasp!) bars. The probability of you having a great conversation with someone you're actually attracted to is much greater (as long as your beer goggles aren't tinted). Although meeting people online is all well and good for some, it never worked for me. I like to read body language, hear a person's voice and look at who I'm talking to (if only to make sure he has all his limbs and digits in place). I guess you can just call me old fashioned.


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