Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Does this make me a bad person?

We've all had those moments. When we wonder if we are the good people our parents raised us to be. To  treat others how they would like to be treated or if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, etc. Although I really do try to be nice to everyone, there are certain instances when I have myself wondering..."Am I a bad person when...?"

1. I avoid eye contact with homeless people. I don't work in a big city where I'm accosted everyday by a homeless person but when I am approached, I try to avoid eye contact and walk away as quickly as possible. Don't get me wrong, I have and will give some change if I can. You can't ignore them all the time. But yesterday, when I was driving home from work and that cardboard sign flashed me at a busy intersection I rolled up my window up and suddenly paid attention to nothing in particular on my radio. I really didn't have change either but even if I did, the chances of me doling it out would be slim to none. The advance only stays green for so long!

2. I don't like showers. No, not the cleansing kind. I take those daily. But bridal and baby showers to me are just so painful. I LOVE celebrating the happy occasions in my friends and families lives, and I really do wish I was loaded and could give them extremely extravagant gifts. But, showers just feel so obligatory and forced. You can only sit through so much toilet paper bride. It's extremely difficult to 'ooh and aah' over a set of mixing bowls. If it were a group of guys doing a shower you know it would turn into a drinking fest - which I would support, except at the baby shower. Inappropriate.

3. I laugh when other people fall down or hurt themselves. I think we've all had that moment when we burst out laughing at someone else's pain. I mean how can you not find it hilarious when a baseball hits someone square in the ass while they're running to third base? Sure, that's gonna leave a mean bruise and they are probably in pain. Our first reaction is often to burst into hysterics. It's human nature to try to laugh off something that is obviously painful to try and trick ourselves and others that it doesn't hurt. Otherwise I don't think America's Funniest Home Videos would have been so popular.

4. I find some children intolerable. We say that all children are beautiful in their own ways and that they say the darndest things. Which is true. I love kids, their energy and their innocence. But if that Nanny show on TLC has taught us anything, it's that some children are just little assholes. Unnecessary temper tantrums and spoiled to the bone. I have absolutely no patience for this and can't believe what their parents will let them get away with. I would have gotten a swift kick in the ass (with steel toe boots) if I acted in that way.

5. I hang up the phone on people. Telemarketers and other annoying people are always calling our house and even my cell phone. I will often just hang up the phone on them in mid sentence. I have tried in the past to make up excuses and explain to them why I couldn't chat, but to no avail. So I often resort to just hanging up. I feel bad about it though. I know these are people just doing their job and trying to make money but they are wasting my time and their breath.

You may have read this list and think to yourself...what a monster. But I assure you, there are other qualities about me that aren't so questionable.
  • If we share an appetizer or some food, I will always let you have the last one. (As long as I'm full and it's not fried pickles. Otherwise, every man for themselves.)
  • I will let you sneak in front of me when traffic is slow and heavy. Unless of course you are that jerk that tried to speed up ahead of everyone in the lane that is shut down. Then you deserve to wait.
  •  I will always tell you if you have something stuck in your teeth or weird stuff on your face. No one should be punished like that.
I tried lipstick once. I don't recommend it. 


  1. I love this!!

    Personally I would rather give a homeless person a sandwich, rather than money. This stems from a trip to San Francisco as a teenager when I saw a homeless man with a sign saying something along the lines of 'Not gonna lie, I want money for booze'. And also my friend works for a homeless charity and she says the amount of assistance available is actually a lot more than most people think (at least where I live).

    And I am with you on the shower thing. It's an excuse to ask for stuff that's slightly more socially acceptable than begging. I feel like it means a lot more if someone decides to give a gift of their own accord.

    (I came here from 20sb!)

  2. I found this hilarious and can honestly say I don't think these things make you a bad person. However, that may just be my bias kicking in since I agree with everything you wrote. Especially the part about children. I work with children all day but I only have them for 30 minutes at a time and they're on their best behavior in a controlled environment. I can't handle them in a car. I feel trapped. Or when they're screaming. I almost made my four year old niece walk home the other day for screaming IN the car. We were probably 50 miles from home and I wouldn't have hesitated to stop if her mother hadn't been there... Alas, I took the brat home.

    (I, too, came here from 20sb!)

  3. @hoorayrue - You gotta appreciate the honesty of the homeless man with his sign! That would at least make me smile. And it's not so much the gifts at showers, but the awkward moments. We have a lot of community showers where I'm from and those are the worst. Filled with people you don't really know, but that know your Grandma...
    @NatalieLowe - screaming children in the car sounds awful. Literally. That's when you go down a back road and make them walk beside the vehicle.

    Thanks for reading!

  4. Those things don't make us bad, just normal! I lived in a fairly big city and got approached all the time for money. Enough times that I considered carrying a sandwich in my bag at all times so that if someone asks me for money for food I would offer them the sandwich.

    Once after giving one of them a couple bucks I insisted that he not buy booze with it because he would "make me sad" if he did, hoping my natural innocent looks would sway him. I don't know if it helped. Maybe I need to carry a picture of a disappointed child around and tell them they'll make jimmy cry if they spend money on booze :)